We Were and Are All Coping

What strange times we are living in! So much of this experience is unprecedented. So much is still unknown. And, especially in the beginning, information was changing daily.

And yet many of you are doing ok, managing and maybe even learning to take advantage of a unique experience in small, progressive ways.

While I needed time myself to absorb it all and see how I felt and what I needed - and then what I wanted to do with my energy - I was able to stay connected to the pulse of my clients and my colleagues in NJ, NY and FL. I learned about the range of emotions and the range of experiences that people were having.

I observed how quickly we shifted to shame. Whether we were self-shaming or shaming others. Those on the couch celebrating in the occasional showers were shaming the hyperactive achievers posting their workouts and healthy meals on social media. And visa versa.

When in reality, we were and are all coping.

I didn’t notice anyone changing. Instead I saw an acceleration and intensification of each person’s personality and attitudes. So if you were scared before, you were terrified now. If you were disengaged from your life, you were disassociating from your body and the occurrences in the world now. If you were self absorbed before, then you were selfish and opportunistic now. If you were kind before, you were giving all you had and maybe too much now.

What have you learned about life in these unusual times? What have you learned about yourself? Write it down so you don’t forget. Get one new habit and start practicing it now to move toward that newly clarified value.

Pace yourself and above all, be kind to yourself. “Forgive and reset” as we often discuss in sessions together. Forgive yourself for being human and reset - each moment you can - back on track with your higher values. Self compassion serves to get you to your higher level goals in the long run.

Are you noticing more and more our interconnection to every living thing? Notice the impact that authentic human caring has on the small notes that make up the big symphonies.

Give yourself patience, kindness and empowerment.

Post-Election Trends in My Therapy Office

It has been an interesting 2 weeks. That's probably true for most of us. And seeing some of it play out in the therapy room has been fascinating.

Not one single session since #Election2016 has not touched on the impact of this election on people's thoughts, feelings and actions - regardless of political views.

I have to say, the extent surprised me. While I was expecting an impact, I did not expect the relevance of this topic weighing so heavily on people's minds and impacting their lives.... including their relationships.

Some of the interesting trends I saw were:

1. There was a personal hit to many people's sense of identity
2. Many people for the first time in their lives starting thinking globally
3. People were searching for other people who shared their experience and created impromptu support groups
4. Couples' communication issues came more to light depending on which couples could listen to each other, hold space for each other and support each other
5. Past trauma was triggered in the present
6. Intensity of emotion, as a result of the triggers and personal implications, was high including sadness, anger etc
7. Several people were moving through the grief stages
8. Everyone was going through their own time line and utilizing their own coping skills to adjust to the changing times

Please note that I am not a relationship therapist. Also, these trends were my experiences and do not represent trends in psychotherapy or life coaching.

Now that 2 weeks have passed I can see that people are moving back to the other issues they want addressed. However, the political changes and the triggers (of hope or hopelessness - of courage or fear) still seep into every conversation I am having. The impact of this election has touched many - some more aware of the impact than others. 

We can all learn a lot about ourselves from what upset us and what made us happy and how we responded to it all. We can all challenge ourselves to continue a journey of self awareness, self regulation, and proactive, relevant action steps rather than ruminating. Celebrate, grieve and integrate. Use your ever awakening knowledge of self. Then move to behaviors that are in line with your values rather than emotions.

Be brave.