I'm sure you've been there. I know I have. Often.
From seeing the pain to regaining hope - it's a powerful and necessary journey.
When the disgust, fear, contempt, resentment, and hopelessness creep up into and around your consciousness...
So much so that even your body registers the emotions - nausea, low energy, headaches, upset stomach, aches and pains. You are at your limit. The world seems hopeless. You tune into every atrocity in every corner of the world down to the last interactions you've had with humans just today. Everything feels tainted and diseased. You think "what's the point". You close off. You isolate. And every interaction brings out the short-tempered, irritated reaction in you.
I won't deny you those feelings. They are powerful and can give some depth to our experience here on earth. However, they are toxic and debilitating if you allow your thoughts, emotions and eventually behavior to reflect this wave of hopelessness. And it is a wave.
Yes, it's true that humans are often cruel to each other, animals, and pretty much everything on planet earth. Yes, it's true that sometimes you feel used and abused by everyone that makes contact with you. Yes, it's true that your energy is depleted and you are feeling oh so done.
AND it's also true that feeling like this is a LOUD red flag that you are getting burned out - that it's time to slow down and self care. You probably got more subtle hints earlier on but dismissed them as part of life, part of being an adult, part of what everyone goes through. And you kept pushing forward denying your experiences. So now the message is loud and clear. You must replenish your energy source. You must come back to you so you can connect from that place within that resonates hope and joy.
The world will invade your peace of mind and then you are no good for the world. But that same energy can flow from you with love toward the world through every interaction you have with others and through energy flow if that language speaks to you.
Emotional moments help us see "the truth" just at a magnified degree. And some of us seem to experience them more than others (don't hate on your super power!). You've probably been on both ends. Wanting to scream from every rooftop "Don't you see how wrong this all is?! Don't you see what's really happening?!" And on another day, you are the person in a good place annoyed by the "over dramatic" nature of someone throwing this "tantrum".
It's all reality. It's all our truth. But I ask, what is most useful? Most productive? Most beneficial for the big picture?
When the wave of despair comes (and it comes strong), you can either help it take you down or ride it out until it passes. You can fight the wave of despair claiming it has no right to torture you like this and then lose the little energy you had left. Or you can accept the power of the wave - even see the benefit of it - and let it flow over you until it passes. It is not you. It is not an expression of weakness or fragility. It is just something that you are experiencing, going through, witnessing.
We need you here. We need you to let the wave pass and for you to regain your strength for the next time we are engulfed and need you to get us out. Don't underestimate the critical strength you possess.
Every smile you give another person. Every time you really look into someone's eyes and feel the connection to each and every other life force, you are giving us your energy.
Of course you are depleted. Rest. Find positive, light, happy things to see, hear, smell, touch, and taste. Get a few good nights of sleep, drink water, be in the sun, sit in nature, eat some fresh fruits and vegetables and hug another living thing.
I am not asking you to deny the pain of this world. But I am asking you to focus on what does work. What feeds your soul. Get back into the ring and keep fighting for your vision of what is possible.
Like a boxer in the ring, every fighter can only take but so many hits before retrieving, regrouping, reenergizing and getting back in - sometimes stronger for it all and sometimes weaker, but fighting nonetheless.
The cycle - of angst, "giving up", retrieving, healing, regrouping, strengthening and reaffirming determination to make things better for all of us - is the breathe of life. All those stages are necessary. You need the pain to get grounded in reality and see things for what they are. You need the down time to reaffirm to yourself that you will take care for you. And you need the positive energy to make change in the world - one living thing, one moment, one system at a time.
Don't deny yourself any of those stages but don't dwell too long in any phase either. Don't fool yourself to think that the darkness is really that dark or the light really that bright.
In feeling the intensity you lose sight of the small truth you need to explore. Pay attention to the message but not the intensity. It's only screaming because that's what it took to get your attention since you've been ignoring your experience so long. Over the years, as you practice tuning in and trusting, the shorter and less painful these moments get.
Don't sit in the negative/reality checks because then you are sitting in quicksand. Don't sit in the retreat/heal phase because then you become disconnected and your energy does not impact. Don't sit in the positive/action mode because then you fool yourself to think that your mind, body and soul are not rich with information that might require you to take a different path.
Yes, humanity and the world are horrible much of the time but it's in the good that we reenergize in order to make the horrible better. Rest, regroup and come back to the hope of what can be.
Channel all your thoughts and actions toward the things you want to see in others and in the world. Together we can and do make real change.