Do you plan and wish and then shut down just as it’s all about to come together?
Ever notice how uncomfortable a compliment can make you feel?
How about the deep eye contact held just a bit too long when someone asks and intently listens to “how are you, really?”
Do you get in your head or feel trapped when things are moving in a positive direction?
Does the thing that makes other people happy, make you uneasy?
Doesn’t it feel ironic that so often the very thing we are starving for is the very thing that freaks us out the most when we get closer to it?
Things can feel too intimate - too overwhelming for our nervous system - too vulnerable. And it can be maddening when the thing you turn away from is really what you want more than anything.
Notice how human you are in those moments. Don’t judge because you make you frustrated. There is a reason you’ve learned to play small. It payed off in the past. But that was the past. Notice, get curious and explore the layers of emotions underneath it all.
With compassion, try to stay in the discomfort zone but not in the misery zone. No unnecessary suffering, please.
Challenge yourself to dig deeper into the “why” behind the fact that you keep saying you will do something and yet you don’t do it. Challenge yourself to find the patterns. When do you do this? When do you not? What do you notice?
Part of the power of good psychotherapy is that it gives you a moment to pause and reflect - together with a person devoted to your growth - on the patterns that might be holding you back. Learn neuroscience-backed techniques to calm yourself when it gets to be too much and learn to trust yourself over time, to delve deeper into your self protective habits. Overtime, you’ll feel safe enough to welcome in the goodness.
The subconscious is a powerful thing with great wisdom and protection. When we learn to tap into our wisdom, we can make moves that are really aligned with our values. We play less small because we feel less afraid. We feel less afraid to be seen and we feel less afraid to take a new step into the unknown. Now we can move forward. Now we can own the life that was meant for us - the one we are now ready for.
Don’t take this journey on your own. Find a friend, a therapist, a journal, art, a community, a support group, a coach, etc. Get to work uncovering the self protection armor you’ve developed over the years probably without ever meaning to. Get to work laying down that armor and truly being seen to yourself and to the people who support the courageous you.