Stress

Chaos is the default. Order is the work.

Look around you right now. Whatever space you're in - your desk, your inbox, your mind - there's likely some degree of disorder creeping in at the edges. A drawer that needs sorting. Emails that piled up. A relationship that's felt a little distant. A habit that slowly dissolved. This isn't a personal failure. It's physics.

The second law of thermodynamics tells us that systems naturally move toward disorder. Entropy - the tendency of things to fall apart, disperse, and unravel - is not a glitch. It's the default state of the universe. Left to itself, a garden becomes overgrown, a relationship becomes strained, a goal becomes a memory.

Order is not a destination you arrive at. It is a direction you keep choosing.

This truth, once you really absorb it, is both humbling and deeply freeing. Things don't deteriorate because you failed. They deteriorate because that's what things do. The remarkable achievement - the one that actually requires something of us - is building and sustaining order against that current.

Your life is no different

In my work with stressed professionals, one of the most common sources of quiet suffering I see is the belief that things should stay good on their own. That once they get the promotion, repair the relationship, or find the right routine, it should hold. When it doesn't - when the stress creeps back, the connection fades, the discipline slips - people conclude there's something wrong with them.

But what they're experiencing isn't dysfunction. It's entropy. It's the natural order doing what it does.

Your mental health is a system. Your relationships are systems. Your career, your focus, your sense of meaning - all systems. And systems require ongoing input to maintain themselves. They require attention, maintenance, and intentional effort not because you broke them, but because that's simply what it costs to keep anything alive and growing.

The effort is the point

Here's the reframe that changes everything: the maintenance isn't a tax on a life that should otherwise be easy. The maintenance is the life. The tending is the thing.

A reflection…

Think of a relationship you treasure. It didn't stay warm because no one touched it. It stayed warm because someone - you, them, both of you - kept putting energy in. A text. A conversation. A repair after conflict. Small, consistent acts of care. That's not overhead. That's love, doing its actual work.

The same applies to your emotional wellbeing. Therapy, journaling, honest conversations with yourself, moments of stillness - these aren't luxuries or signs that something is wrong. They are what it looks like to actively tend to a human mind. To choose order over entropy, not once, but regularly.

What this means for leveling up

Many people I work with want to improve - to grow in their careers, in their relationships, in their sense of self. And they absolutely can. But they often expect growth to happen on top of a stable base without accounting for the fact that the base requires work, too.

If you want to level anything up, you first have to be in relationship with where it currently is. That means looking honestly at what's drifting. Acknowledging the entropy that's accumulated - in your stress responses, in your communication patterns, in the story you tell yourself about who you are. Not with self-criticism, but with curiosity and willingness.

Growth is not a leap from disorder to order. It's the ongoing practice of choosing order - one small, deliberate act at a time.

The question isn't whether entropy will show up. It will. The question is whether you'll notice it, and what you'll do when you do.

Start where you are

You don't need a dramatic overhaul. You need to get honest about where things have been left untended, and to start - gently, without judgment - putting some energy back in. One conversation. One boundary. One session. One honest look at what's been drifting.

The natural order of things is chaos. And the most human thing you can do is keep choosing, deliberately and imperfectly, to create something different.

That's not weakness. That's the whole work.

We Were and Are All Coping

What strange times we are living in! So much of this experience is unprecedented. So much is still unknown. And, especially in the beginning, information was changing daily.

And yet many of you are doing ok, managing and maybe even learning to take advantage of a unique experience in small, progressive ways.

While I needed time myself to absorb it all and see how I felt and what I needed - and then what I wanted to do with my energy - I was able to stay connected to the pulse of my clients and my colleagues in NJ, NY and FL. I learned about the range of emotions and the range of experiences that people were having.

I observed how quickly we shifted to shame. Whether we were self-shaming or shaming others. Those on the couch celebrating in the occasional showers were shaming the hyperactive achievers posting their workouts and healthy meals on social media. And visa versa.

When in reality, we were and are all coping.

I didn’t notice anyone changing. Instead I saw an acceleration and intensification of each person’s personality and attitudes. So if you were scared before, you were terrified now. If you were disengaged from your life, you were disassociating from your body and the occurrences in the world now. If you were self absorbed before, then you were selfish and opportunistic now. If you were kind before, you were giving all you had and maybe too much now.

What have you learned about life in these unusual times? What have you learned about yourself? Write it down so you don’t forget. Get one new habit and start practicing it now to move toward that newly clarified value.

Pace yourself and above all, be kind to yourself. “Forgive and reset” as we often discuss in sessions together. Forgive yourself for being human and reset - each moment you can - back on track with your higher values. Self compassion serves to get you to your higher level goals in the long run.

Are you noticing more and more our interconnection to every living thing? Notice the impact that authentic human caring has on the small notes that make up the big symphonies.

Give yourself patience, kindness and empowerment.

On The Other Side Of Stress

We can appear on the surface to ourselves and others that we are "healed" and "over it". Yet, the subconscious reminds us of the work we still need to do. Even after all the work to increase our self awareness and coping skills, those triggers are powerful! And it can feel like we are back to step 1.

It weighs heavy on us. It can send us into weeks of irritability, loss of patience, loss of motivation or much apathy about everything. Life just feels like it requires so much more energy than you remember it needing. 

But you push on.

Sometimes it's not until a particular moment has passed - such as a trauma anniversary or an emotionally challenging event - that we realize the heavy stress we were under. 

When the trigger has passed and the stress is lifted...and we can breath easy again. When we feel light again....when we have clarity again...when we are no longer walking through emotional quicksand. When we can smile that smile that comes from within.

Peace.

Peace is the gold that we treasure on a whole other level only after we get reminders of how we lost it in the past. Honor those reminders. Realize your personal growth (and growth within relationship to others) is still a journey and that you are still in motion. To be in motion is to be alive.

Savor that window of light...the light weight on your being...the light that shines on all you still want...the light that shines on the hope you somehow always hold on to. Savor those moments. Then contain that peace within your soul and carry it with you as you continue your journey.

You are here. You are not where you were. You can get triggered. You can feel like you are shot back in time to that unhealthy expression of you that you detest. But savor the realization that you are not back there. You are here. And you are in motion. Keep growing. Keep loving yourself for all the moments.

I am proud of you.