Social Work Month 2024

Being a Social Worker has been my life’s passion. I was practicing the values of Social Work before I knew that such a profession even existed. I have been officially in the field since 2000 but my experiences educated me well in advance.

The past few months have been incredibly challenging but have helped me to evolve - becoming even stronger and more determined to live a life aligned with my current values.

As some of you might know, one of my specialities is Post Traumatic Growth. I witness it in others so often and have experienced it myself. Finding deeper meaning, prioritizing meaningful & positive relationships, recognizing that there are things that are bigger than you… are just some of the experiences if you sit in and through distress after a trauma and ask yourself some pretty intense existential questions.

As a Social Worker, I have worked with victims of rape as a weapon of war in Sierra Leon, family members that lost loved ones in 9/11 and so many other victims of extremists. On Oct 7th my family and friends were attacked in their homes. Over 100 remain hostages of a terrorist organization. Staying away from politics but advocating for the victims - such as the Chibok schoolgirls kidnapping in Nigeria and the horrors Iranian women suffer - is aligned with my values.

For the first time in my professional life, the impact was personal but, unlike the Covid era where we were all impacted, this trauma felt isolating. Having to heal and ground myself and find the bigger purpose here has and continues to be a journey. Until all the hostages are freed, the real healing can’t really begin. Safety must first be established in order to begin healing.

Finding community that is compassionate, supportive, understanding and helpful is very important, too. Which makes me very grateful for you.

If you can’t lift yourself up without pushing others down, it might be time to take a good look inward and on the impact your ideology has on your community and the world.

The only “sides” to me are humanity vs violent extremism. I will focus my life’s energy on people that encourage democracy, progress, science, the arts, kindness - the givers, helpers and builders. Those are my people and they live all over this globe.

We can have compassion AND boundaries. We can focus on those that want to evolve AND protect from those that try to harm.We can hold space for both experiences because that is emotional maturity. That is personal and global evolution.

I am a proud Social Worker and a proud humanitarian.

“…social work’s core values of service, social justice, dignity and worth of the person, importance of human relationships, integrity, and competence. These principles set forth ideals to which all social workers should aspire.” - National Association of Social Workers

Losing Peace

Until you lose your peace, you don't truly embrace and understand the importance of protecting it - Morgan Richard Olivier

When a boundary gets violated or trauma occurs, we often realize and prioritize our right to defend our way of life. Or create a new and better way of life. We don't take it for granted that everyone and everything will work together to ensure our peace.

We learn to appreciate the good moments, the kind people, the thoughtful gestures, the clarity, the focus, the sense of control, the calm.

Others will bring their chaos and for a time we might need to dip into that chaos against our preferences. But when we can resurface (resilience), we have the chance to come from gratitude, strength and quiet determination to level up (posttraumatic growth)

Don't give up. Create and enforce healthy boundaries. Focus your energy on the builders and helpers. Offer yourself compassion - for losing your peace in the dysfunction of others or in your own subconscious reenactments of unresolved generational trauma.

You got this. There will be room to take a full breath again soon.

A Caution to the Liberal Humanitarians Like Me

I had just finished this book before the Oct 7th Massacre and hostage abduction by Hamas. The timing of reading that book was impeccable and ironic. I didn’t expect it to be so relevant to the upcoming reaction from university students in support of terrorism.

As a liberal humanitarian, it was a challenging read but I've always felt it was important to be exposed to different approaches. We can practice how to critically assess vs simply repeating what we've been taught or what our peers are saying. In previous life chapters, I, myself, too often just repeated what I was told - believing it 100% to be true. So I have compassion for those who mean well.

That being said, we also have the opportunity to notice when your humanitarian approach is actually hurting others or putting ourselves and others at risk. I have often advocated for people who later did terrible harm and I'll regret it for the rest of my life.

I truly believed they just needed a chance and that they were a victim of circumstance. I truly believed that others were lying on them or trying to purposefully hurt them when in reality they were doing the hurting.

I know now that I needed to believe that those dangerous people were actually victims so that I could make sense of the world. I think I wanted to believe there was some logic to the violence and that by giving and caring, I and other helpers would be spared and maybe even make the world a better place.

In my field, we call that confirmation bias. You have a theory and you only tune into facts that back it up and authentically don’t see/hear/notice any contradictory information. It’s too painful for our psychology. And most of us shy from that discomfort. We really don’t see any contradictory facts and so continue perpetuating our inaccurate beliefs. I get it.

I understand why a violent perpetrator acts out from their trauma. I can strongly believe in the principal of freedom for all. And I can fight to make sure that all people who physically hurt others, are kept away from society. We can understand (empathy) and protect from danger (boundaries).

I have spent a professional lifetime supporting victims of violence - like young girls who were victims of rape in Sierra Leone and trafficking victims in the U.S. Being a part of several organizations that supported the innocent Israeli and Palestinian families was always a value. We know that only together can we move toward a kinder, more emotionally intelligent society. The humanitarian values are there. But sometimes the rude awakening that not everyone wants peace, love and kindness is a hard pill to swallow. Sometimes we need to face reality that others - for whatever reason - feel justified in causing terror to entire communities.

One of the horrific ironies of the Oct 7th attack on Israelis was that the communities attacked were some of the most peace-loving people. They were the ones volunteering to drive Gazans to Israeli hospitals for free medical care. One such person was Vivian Silver who was a mentor and inspiration to me.

So do we now hate like the terrorists? Do we now stop helping and only look out for self like the terrorists? I learned years ago that if being a helper is in your blood, you will find your way back. You will need time to grieve - to get over the shock, the hurt, the anger, the sense of betrayal. You will need to find a way to feel safe again even if deep down you know you never really are. And you will come back with clarity and boundaries and sometimes with even more conviction.

To my liberal colleagues, I ask you to understand that violence by terrorists must be stopped. All extremism is dangerous. Anyone who answers their pain with destroying others must be stopped.

Our young adults who are now coming into their power and need our wisdom and guidance in understanding that their hope to help must be wrapped in education and not just slogans. We need to walk that walk too.

Book recommendation "The Coddling of the American Mind - How Good Intentions and Bad Ideas are Setting Up a Generation for Failure". Interesting ideas that we are seeing play out in the university settings now.

Behind the Scenes

“They have their dreams, their struggles and their journey. But I’m here too.”

I’ve heard so many express this in so many different ways. We often love, respect and admire the people we are supporting. And we can often feel like we just live in their shadows.

We might be the spouse, the significant other, the partner, the parent, the child, the auntie/uncle, the best friend. Without us, the one in the spotlight would not be able to do what they do.

We might even get an appreciation at times but there is no way to really feel whole when you are putting yourself second. Even if it is by choice. Even if it ends up benefitting you too. Even if you wouldn’t have it any other way.

Sometimes we question,

• Is this good enough?

• Am I being selfish?

• What would I even do with myself if I could only focus on me?

• How scary is it if I realize I am can’t or won’t ever realize my dreams?

• Am I ok with not being the focus but playing the victim?

• Why can’t I be satisfied, calm, fulfilled?