I walk away from the moment of impact in what feels like slow motion. Moments before I could have had my whole life taken over by the issue - the topic that would have been yet another struggle to overcome.

It’s pure luck. Sometimes you get hit hard and sometimes you get to walk away - knowing full well the hurt and healing you are bypassing.

The relief is inexplicable. The fear of being too happy too soon. The shock that the ordeal is really over. You’ve hoped for so long. It feels surreal now.

When it’s safe and you are clear from the fire in the rear view mirror, you begin to feel the depth of exhaustion you’ve been in for so long. You feel elation that is indescribable. You feel honored by the glimpse into another world you got to see but don’t need to stay in. You feel guilt for the many that you leave behind in the wreckage.

And it’s the little things after - that bring you the most joy. Just to be a normal person with normal worries and normal errands to run. A simple day. A chance to end the day with no existential life questions. Just rest. Just a moment of peace. Just a whisper of gratitude.