I Get To Walk Away

I walk away from the moment of impact in what feels like slow motion. Moments before I could have had my whole life taken over by the issue - the topic that would have been yet another struggle to overcome.

It’s pure luck. Sometimes you get hit hard and sometimes you get to walk away - knowing full well the hurt and healing you are bypassing.

The relief is inexplicable. The fear of being too happy too soon. The shock that the ordeal is really over. You’ve hoped for so long. It feels surreal now.

When it’s safe and you are clear from the fire in the rear view mirror, you begin to feel the depth of exhaustion you’ve been in for so long. You feel elation that is indescribable. You feel honored by the glimpse into another world you got to see but don’t need to stay in. You feel guilt for the many that you leave behind in the wreckage.

And it’s the little things after - that bring you the most joy. Just to be a normal person with normal worries and normal errands to run. A simple day. A chance to end the day with no existential life questions. Just rest. Just a moment of peace. Just a whisper of gratitude.

Abandonment Issues and the Holidays....Let the triggers begin!

I hate to be such a scrooge during what for many people is a fun time.  But for most of the people I've met, the holidays are actually incredibly stressful and bordering on (if not drenched in) being a nightmare.

While that stress comes from many places, I will say this....when your triggers of emotional abandonment and the subsequent fears of abandonment come in full force then it's hard to be genuinely "jolly" or festive.

We all want to belong.  It's fundamental. It's human.  Craving that approval and connection is what makes you human not what makes you sick.  Understanding where the intensity comes from can free you from the emotional slavery of stimulus/response/stimulus/response forever and ever.

You get to PAUSE. Think. Decide what you really want/need to do based on YOUR values and YOUR big life goals.  Not based on old stories you have in your head - old feelings that taint every experience of success and joy.  Toxic feelings and thoughts that tell you, "I am not worthy of love, acceptance, peace." That you were left or are being left because you aren't enough.

YOU ARE ENOUGH. COMPLETELY ENOUGH. COMPLETE. 

Find you and your peace.  Make the holidays work for you and shake that totally false belief that everyone but you is happy.  Be brave so that others can see what it is to think for yourself and do what is best (aka aimed at growth and improvement).... not necessarily what has always been done. Remember, it really isn't about that other person or situation. It's about what it is triggering in you.  That's what is interesting.  That's where you put your energy.  That's where real change comes.

First calm yourself (ask me in session for technique ideas) and then close your eyes and go inward. You can not guide your moves until you have a game plan. You cannot act in line with your values if you don't know what your values are.  If you are just pushing against the false beliefs you were fed then you are still acting in stimulus/response mode.

What do you need? Answer me that.  Why can't you get it?  What's one small thing you can do right now to get closer to getting it.

Own your life.  Pause. Think. Decide. Happy holidays and all days to you!