My Wish For You

I wish for you that you don't suffer.

I wish for you to know that all living things are connected.

I wish for you to know that you are not alone in anything you are going through even though sometimes it feels that way.

I wish for you to know that you are worthy of happiness.

If you can say you've learned something in the past year or you connected to more empathy and healthier boundaries, then it was a year of worthwhile effort.

And if you can't say that, I hope you know that it's never too late to take responsibility for your own journey - your behaviors and the meaning-making that creates empowered beauty.

I wish for you to remember that none of us do it alone.

I wish for you to know that labeling an emotion or experience doesn’t create it but it can give relief from the weight of it.

I wish for you curiosity.

I wish for you continued attempts at radical acceptance and hopefulness. And to know the difference between those concepts versus giving up or unrealistic optimism.

I wish for you to know that accepting, loving, and grounding are the foundations of powerful change.

I wish for you to connect to your body and the messages your emotions and physical expressions are desperately trying to share with you.

I wish for you kindness - toward yourself and others.

I wish for you calm thoughtfulness and bold courage.

I wish for you protection and guidance.

I trust our journey and I hope you do, too.

Abandonment Issues and the Holidays....Let the triggers begin!

I hate to be such a scrooge during what for many people is a fun time.  But for most of the people I've met, the holidays are actually incredibly stressful and bordering on (if not drenched in) being a nightmare.

While that stress comes from many places, I will say this....when your triggers of emotional abandonment and the subsequent fears of abandonment come in full force then it's hard to be genuinely "jolly" or festive.

We all want to belong.  It's fundamental. It's human.  Craving that approval and connection is what makes you human not what makes you sick.  Understanding where the intensity comes from can free you from the emotional slavery of stimulus/response/stimulus/response forever and ever.

You get to PAUSE. Think. Decide what you really want/need to do based on YOUR values and YOUR big life goals.  Not based on old stories you have in your head - old feelings that taint every experience of success and joy.  Toxic feelings and thoughts that tell you, "I am not worthy of love, acceptance, peace." That you were left or are being left because you aren't enough.

YOU ARE ENOUGH. COMPLETELY ENOUGH. COMPLETE. 

Find you and your peace.  Make the holidays work for you and shake that totally false belief that everyone but you is happy.  Be brave so that others can see what it is to think for yourself and do what is best (aka aimed at growth and improvement).... not necessarily what has always been done. Remember, it really isn't about that other person or situation. It's about what it is triggering in you.  That's what is interesting.  That's where you put your energy.  That's where real change comes.

First calm yourself (ask me in session for technique ideas) and then close your eyes and go inward. You can not guide your moves until you have a game plan. You cannot act in line with your values if you don't know what your values are.  If you are just pushing against the false beliefs you were fed then you are still acting in stimulus/response mode.

What do you need? Answer me that.  Why can't you get it?  What's one small thing you can do right now to get closer to getting it.

Own your life.  Pause. Think. Decide. Happy holidays and all days to you!