We walk the walk. Put one of your fears in place of the “bridge” and see if you can relate.
I am so scared of heights but crossing this bridge was important to me (aligned with my values). I used the tools in my tool box to do it. Many of the coping tools I gained over the years was by reading a book, listening to a podcast, attending workshops…. but so many others I learned by watching people manage life and learning from my clients.
It is not a trick to be calm and centered when you are NOT triggered. This experience triggered me.
"The Capilano Suspension Bridge in Vancouver, Canada is the longest suspension bridge in the world spanning 430ft across a tree-lined canyon and suspended 230ft above a raging blue river."
I started by being honest with myself about how I felt. I followed up with a lot of self compassion and “we’ll take it one step at a time” commitment to myself.
I gave myself a couple of weeks to think about it and learn about it. I didn’t want to have too much time before going there since the fear would become bigger in my head than in reality. I wouldn’t want someone to just spring this on me because my feeling of being “trapped” and having to cross NOW would have set me off even more.
I tried a version of exposure therapy by watching videos of other people crossing this bridge several times. With today’s platforms like YouTube, you can observe people doing a lot. I left it for times that I wasn’t doing much else - but also not before sleeping - so it wouldn’t set me off more. I find that at night we often are missing a layer of psychological protection and the challenge can feel like an impossibility.
I found myself having the physical symptoms of fear every time I watched those videos. But I felt control in being able to turn it off. I didn’t force myself to be in distress watching and imagining.
I did learn that holding on to the side can make it worse and that was counter-intuitive but good information from others who have done it before me. Armed with that knowledge, I knew I had techniques to try.
I spoke about my plans and concerns only with people that I already knew would not either minimize my stress or put more fear in me. Nurturing a small (2-3 people) inner circle that is kind and truthful is key in dealing with so much in life. I made sure to share my plan, my concerns and let them know specifically what I needed from them - how support felt like to me in this circumstance.
The day of….
I paid attention to my body to make sure I was holding my shoulders back and "taking up space” to convey the message to my brain that we are not small and weak. (Have you seen the power position TedTalk?)
I did not look down even once - I gave myself permission not to look at anything that didn’t help me toward my goal but only served to overwhelm me.
I focused on my exhales (like blowing out a birthday candle) which activates the parasympathetic nervous system aka calms us down.
I held the hand of someone that cared for me. (If I didn’t have someone I would have taken an object that represented love and security to me.)
I took it one small step at a time and let myself go faster when it felt safe.
I didn’t worry what anyone else thought of my display of distress and coping.
If I did catch another person struggling like me, we sent each other knowing glances and I didn’t feel alone.
And if I saw another person with a kind smile or even saying to me as they passed statements like “you can do this.” or “it gets easier” or “you got this” then I let myself SOAK IT IN.
Today’s mantra: I can do hard things.
I inspired myself and am using the energy to achieve more things in my life that make me proud.
You can do hard things. You can do this. It gets easier. You got this.
Courage - taking steps in fear toward a goal that is aligned with your values.
on the Capilano Suspension Bridge in Vancouver, Canada