We tend to think of our choices as expressions of who we are.
But what if the environment around us is influencing those choices more than we realize?
The people we spend time with, the places where we work and live, the culture we participate in, and even the physical space around us can quietly shape our habits, expectations, emotions, and sense of what is possible.
The book Situated by Angela Duckworth explores this idea through a simple but powerful premise: where you are - and who you are surrounded by - matters.
This doesn't mean we are powerless. Quite the opposite.
It means that one of the most practical ways to change our lives is to become more intentional about the environments we create and choose.
Think of it as moving from near to far and from concrete to abstract:
Control your space → Pick your peers → Attract mentors → Choose your culture.
The closer and more concrete the environment, the more direct control you typically have. As you move outward, your influence becomes less direct - but your choices can still matter enormously.
1. Control Your Space
Start with what is closest to you: your physical environment.
Your home. Your bedroom. Your office. Your desk. Your car. Even the spaces where you spend a few hours each week. These environments send constant signals to your brain.
A cluttered workspace can create friction. A chaotic home can make it harder to decompress. A space designed for rest can make it easier to slow down. A workspace that supports focus can reduce the number of decisions required to get started.
You don't need to completely reorganize your life.
Ask yourself:
Does this space support how I want to feel?
What in my environment creates unnecessary stress?
What could I make easier?
What do I want to see, hear, or experience more often?
What could I remove?
Sometimes personal change begins with something remarkably unglamorous: moving the things around you.
Put the phone somewhere else. Clear the desk. Create a space where you can think. Make healthy choices more convenient. Make rest feel intentional rather than something you squeeze in after everything else is done.
You may not be able to control everything happening in your life. But you can often control what surrounds you.
2. Pick Your Peers
The next layer is the people closest to you.
Who do you spend your time with?
Our peers influence what feels normal. They influence how we talk about work, success, relationships, money, aging, health, ambition, risk, and even ourselves.
If everyone around you is constantly working, exhaustion can begin to feel like evidence that you're doing enough. If everyone around you is complaining, cynicism can become the default. If the people around you are curious, reflective, growth-oriented, and willing to challenge themselves, those qualities become easier to practice yourself.
This isn't about judging people or abandoning everyone who doesn't share your goals.
It's about becoming intentional about whose voices have the most influence.
Ask:
Who leaves me feeling more like myself?
Who challenges me in ways that help me grow?
Who makes me think bigger?
Who consistently brings me back to what matters?
And perhaps just as important:
Who am I becoming because of the people I spend the most time with?
You don't have to surround yourself with impressive people.
Surround yourself with people who make growth, honesty, courage, curiosity, and wellbeing feel possible.
3. Attract Mentors
Peers influence us horizontally. Mentors can influence us vertically.
A mentor doesn't necessarily have to be someone you formally meet with every month. Sometimes mentorship happens through proximity, observation, books, conversations, professional communities, or simply paying attention to how someone approaches life.
The important question isn't only:
Who can help me get where I want to go? It's also: Who embodies something I want to learn?
Maybe it's someone who has built a successful career without sacrificing their entire life.
Someone who navigated a major transition with integrity.
Someone who handles pressure differently than you do.
Someone who has the emotional maturity you aspire to develop.
Someone who has already made - and learned from - the mistakes you're trying to avoid.
And here's an important distinction:
Don't just seek people who have achieved what you want. Seek people who have become someone you respect along the way.
Sometimes the best mentors aren't actively looking to mentor anyone. They simply live in a way that gives you something worth learning.
Pay attention.
Ask better questions.
Be genuinely curious.
And when you find someone whose perspective matters to you, don't be afraid to tell them.
People are often more willing to share what they've learned than we imagine.
4. Choose Your Culture
The final layer is the broadest: culture.
Where do you work? Where do you live? What communities do you participate in? What ideas surround you? What does your environment tell you is valuable?
Culture is powerful because it can be difficult to see.
We notice an individual person's influence. We don't always notice the influence of thousands of subtle messages telling us what a "successful" life looks like.
Work harder.
Achieve more.
Stay busy.
Be productive.
Don't fall behind.
Keep up.
Start over.
Do more.
And eventually, we may mistake cultural expectations for personal values.
Choosing your culture means asking a bigger question:
What kind of environment do I want my life to take place in?
That could mean choosing a different workplace. Moving to a different neighborhood. Finding a community that shares your values. Spending less time in environments that reward constant urgency. Or deliberately exposing yourself to people, ideas, and experiences that expand your understanding of what is possible.
You may not be able to control the culture around you.
But you can become more conscious of which cultures you participate in - and which ones you reinforce.
From Near to Far
These four choices form a progression.
Your space is closest to you. You can often change it tomorrow.
Your peers require more intention. You can't control other people, but you can choose who gets your time and attention.
Your mentors require openness and initiative. You can seek out people whose experience and perspective can expand you.
Your culture is the hardest to control. It includes workplaces, communities, neighborhoods, institutions, and broader social expectations.
But even here, you have choices.
You can move toward environments that support the person you are trying to become.
And that may be one of the most overlooked forms of personal growth.
What If You Don't Need More Willpower?
We often approach change by asking:
How can I make myself do this differently?
How can I become more disciplined?
How can I stop procrastinating?
How can I be less stressed?
How can I finally make the change I know I need to make?
Those are reasonable questions.
But there is another one worth asking:
What if I changed the environment that keeps producing the behavior I'm trying to change?
Sometimes the answer isn't more willpower.
Sometimes it's less friction. A different workspace. Different conversations. Different people. A different community. A different culture.
We are not separate from our environments. We are constantly responding to them.
So if you're feeling stuck, overwhelmed, burned out, or at a crossroads, don't only look inward.
Look around.
What is your environment asking of you?
What is it reinforcing?
What has become "normal" that may no longer be healthy or sustainable?
What could you change - near to far - to make the life you want easier to live?
Change doesn't always begin with changing yourself.
Sometimes it begins with changing where, how, and with whom you are situated.